Let Me Cheat

Jace has been begging and begging me to play soccer with him. “You are never home!” he proclaims, “And now that you’re here don’t you want to play with your adorable, sweet, precious little brother?” And so today I finally gave in. He grabbed the little plastic soccer ball and informed me of the goals.

I wanted to play where the doorways were goals. My brother, however, insisted that the big glass window and couch opposite it would do much better. So after a brief argument I, naturally, gave in.

And then we played. The ball went flying; goals were reached and others not. And, to continue my tradition in playing with Jace, I cheated.

I usually play by the rules. I stick within the guidelines and I’m happy there. But for some reason, whenever I play with my little brother, a different side comes out in me and I find so much pleasure in taking hold of the ball and running across the room and throwing it against the window, or tackling him when he finally gets close enough to score. He likes to throw a fit at me, tell me I’m not being fair. But soon enough we are both cheating, breaking all rules and abandoning all reason. “Relax Jace. The point of this is to have fun. Just enjoy it.”

I take life too seriously. I overanalyze and stress out and worry and replay my mistakes over and over and over again. What if I would have said this? What if I would have done that? Oh, why didn’t I think of that then?

But life is so short. Days can seem to drag on forever but my goodness life is short. And yet look at us. People walking around doing the same things day after day. All to make a living, but often not living at all.

I believe God created life to be beautiful. He created good things so that we can enjoy them. Life is for us. And too often I feel as though I am for life and am just floating down a river of do's and don'ts and destiny. 

But I want to learn to live. I want to create my life- a wonderful life full of joy and laughter and doing good to others.

I want to relax. I want to not be so uptight and anxious. I want to embrace life- every moment. I want to sleep in and not be mad at myself for doing so. I want to have lazy days and be thankful I have accomplished what I need to for the time being- not beat myself up for doing nothing. I want to stop and breathe more often. Fresh air and food and perfumes and flowers.

I want to tackle my insecurities and take hold of my opportunities and run for my goals.

Relax Darian. The point of this is to have fun. Just enjoy it.